Alternating Points of View
The second chapter of Dragon Ink is told through the male character, Welglen. It’s important that readers can easily identify the change in “voice” between the two characters. For comparison, the female voice of Ellen is in Chapter 1 (yesterday’s post on engaging). It’s also critical that we understand Welglen’s goal by the end of his first scene.
Am I getting there?
AFTER: Chapter 2 Dragon Ink
The shadows stretched from the tree Welglen had been forced behind to the building’s edge. He hung back and waited for the human.
The curtain rippled, then stilled. She lingered.
He unclenched long enough to brush the rusty red leaves off his shoulders. He should leave. But the girl had reawakened the beast that drew him to her. He had to discover why the old voices had returned.
Broken bells sounded as she pushed the door open. The shopkeeper followed her out and slid a key into the lock.
She tied her hair into a spiky blond bun. A rare smile widened across her face. “I can’t believe I really did it.”
The man shook his head. “Neither can I.”
The pair walked toward the corner, the female bouncing, her gate light and animated. The man’s arms pumped with each brisk step, his muscles poised and prepared for action.
Welglen stepped out to the sidewalk, ready to return to his nest.
At the corner, the man waved goodbye. The girl continued alone.
She crossed at a diagonal and walked along the shops on the opposite side of the park. Then her steps slowed and gained weight.
She was defenseless.
He followed.
At a window display of children’s toys a few doors shy of the tavern, the girl paused. Her body trembled in tiny jerks. The salty smell of fear wafted from her pores. She wrapped her arms across her chest and rubbed her shoulders.
He picked up her soft words from a distance. She counted; each number followed by a deep breath. “One…Two…” She continued to ten, each breath longer and deeper than the last. Her thin body relaxed. She squared her shoulders and walked to her last stop of each day.
Welglen was ready.
BEFORE: Chapter 2 Dragon Ink
The shadows stretched from the tree Welglen had been forced behind to the building’s edge. He hung back and waited for the human.
The curtain rippled, then stilled. She lingered.
He unclenched long enough to brush the rusty red leaves off his shoulders. He should leave. But she’d reawakened the beast that drew him to her. He had to discover why the old voices had returned.
Broken bells sounded as she pushed the door open. The shopkeeper followed her out and slid a key into the lock.
“I can’t believe I really did it.” She tied her hair into a spiky blond bun. A rare smile widened across her face.
The man shook his head. “Neither can I.”
The pair walked toward the corner. She bounced, her gate light and animated. The man’s arms pumped with each brisk step, his muscles poised and ready for action. He would protect the woman with all he had.
Welglen stepped out to the sidewalk, ready to return to his nest.
At the corner, the man waved goodbye. The woman continued alone.
She crossed at a diagonal and walked along the shop side opposite the park. Her steps slowed and gained weight.
She was defenseless.
He followed.
The woman stopped short at a window display a few doors shy of the tavern. Fear wafted from her pores. Her body trembled in tiny jerks. She wrapped her arms across her chest and rubbed her shoulders.
He stepped close enough to hear her deep breaths, each followed by a count. Breath, “one.” Breath, “two.” She continued to ten, each breath longer and deeper than the last. She shook out her hands. Her thin body relaxed.
Welglen scanned the area to understand her emotions. He searched through the window display of infant clothing and stuffed animals for the source of her agitation without success.
She squared her shoulders and walked to her last stop of each day.
Welglen was ready.